I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
