dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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