i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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