Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
