I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
