Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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