Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
