i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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