I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
