Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
