No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
