i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
