$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
