I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
