4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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