i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
