Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
