I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
