You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Do vagina's smell?
it's like iHOP with fire
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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