I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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