Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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