Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize