how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
