i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
