you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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