i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
