so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
the raccoons are back...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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