can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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