We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
