you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
