so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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