he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
