what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize