1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
