If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
either way he was missing a nipple.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
