I think I died a long time ago.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
