Don't make out with my wife yet
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize