bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
