They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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