If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
