Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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