my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
