Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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