What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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