watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
