hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
