You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
