I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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