I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
