Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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