So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Randomize
