the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
