Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
