I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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