I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize