She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
