if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
