This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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