my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think my fart just growled at me.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
