imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
