We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
