i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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