Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
