He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
