Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
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