I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
