I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
