either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
